me pardonner, je ne comprends pas

How am I feeling now? It is really beyond words... But one thing is for sure, God is good, and this I will remember always. :)

It has been a whirling experience! Haha. So many things are happening and at such high speed! Grasp the BIGGEST news, it's holidays! Haha. I completed my Last paper of my 3 year Diploma Course on 13 February 2007 (I have no examinable modules in Year 3). :)

On 14 February, Valentine's Day, I spent it in a rather unique way. Most of the time, I was in a cab and I was going from places to places, in DIFFERENT cabs! Haha. I even got an honest confession from the 'One' who's in the cab with me, a heart-warming speech... Haha. BUT, the main highlight is the celebration with Biggie Boss at MINDS Cafe. :)

I saw his expression when looking at the video, his heartfelt speech after the video, hear his 'Wow' at the sight of the candles, his act during the song presentation and the surprised look when he saw the cushion... All these are enough to make 14 February a special day. :) Really! I am sure it was a beautiful experience for the rest of us as well. I realised something, a little silly but very true. A smile, sometimes, is the best gift to your loved ones. Haha.

I am really thankful and I am very blessed. What better way to celebrate this Day of Love but to count your blessings? Haha. I really went to count and I was overwhelmed. I was already smiling my head off before I finished counting! I am a very happy girl!~

After today's Service, I feel even more bliss! Haha. No more 'Rain' or 'Vaccination!' Haha. I am really not very good at this, but I am learning. :) Learning to let go, learning to Jiayou. Jiayou everyone!

INTERESTING NOTE:

Sorry is an attitude expressed in a 5 letter word. Without the attitude, what is left is not an expression but just words.

"I'm walking on a rope, loosely hung across the two buildings, standing 3 storeys above the deep ocean. Just one small step can be a killer and put an end to the 19 years of life. Many people wish for a breeze as they walk on the streets, but I pray not. The breath of Mother Nature is like an earthquake to me, I will crumble and fall like any building."

I yearn for an adventure like that, but my heart is weak! Ha-ha! I don't even dare to try bungee jumping, though it has been on my Things-to-Do List every year. Sometimes in life, we can identify with the above tension. When we come to a crossroad, when we need to make decisions and a wrong step can take us to the roundabout somewhere in the west.

Having my previous entry entered during Christmas Season, I want to start a new year of 2007 by saying (though it is 18 days into 2007),

"It will be a whole year of adventure! It is 007, Mr. Bond. I may not be ready, but I am on my road to Ready!"

*I have my map to READY ROAD too! The leather-backed book. =)

"This is all that I have: A scarred and wounded heart.

I don't have all the riches on this earth, nor the pretty faces on the streets. I don't yearn to be top of all nations, just the best that I can be. Grabbing the top place in this race was never my intention, I just want to keep running with You by my side."

From the moment you are born, your life is inter-twined with the lives of others. Whatever you do, it will affect the people around you, be it good or bad. Then the question is:

How do you live a life of your own, when your life was never yours alone? How can you say, "This is MY way of living," when all you did was to adapt the standard way of living to your own convenience and comfort. It was never 100% created by you.

The past weeks were a rollercoaster ride. There were ups and downs, faults and corrections, love and hate, forgiveness and resentment... Yet the conclusion remains the same.

To OBEY and TRUST is the only way

even if it means, swearing to my own hurts, I will.

Putting everything aside! Merry Christmas! Hohoho~!~!

I'm looking forward to the mega celebration at Expo.. Ha-ha. All the way people!

"Take care of this little heart of mine,

once broken considered sold"

Haha.. This is a line I came up with while talking to Mr. Yeo! Many thanks Mr. Yeo, you really brightened up my day! Haha.. I look forward to our outing with the rest of them on Tuesday!! :)

I enjoyed my birthday celebration! To think that they went through so much planning as a whole Cellgroup really move my heart~ And Ger appearing at the bus stop with the cake also very touching.. Haha.. I am very very blessed with so many many gifts!! LOL.. Talk about a happy contented gal.. :D

Thanks to everyone and to YOU of course! Haha.. YOU taught me how to smile, and molded my life beyond my imagination.. YOU made me believe and because of YOU, I love! Love YOU to bits! Haha..


Okay, back to doing lesson plans and admin work.. LOL.. I will jiayou!! Haha..

Food for Thought:

Love is a choice, then what is your LOVE priority?

Who will you choose to love? To what degree will you love?

"True Love never has an ending,

True Commitment knows no period."

Just finished reading an article,

http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/aznxicy/story.html about a Korean Drama series alike kind of essay. I cried at the end as it writes that "True love never has an ending." This sounds so fairytale but contains a measure of truth. Taking love as a choice, a form of commitment, then "True commitment knows no period." Period as in a "full-stop." :)

I am really thankful for all whom You have placed in my life. Everything that is happening right now is just so amazing! I LOVE YOU!

Ha-ha. All these late nights at the computer is indeed unhealthy. I even dozed off in front of the screen at least twice. I think everyone around me is getting stressed up. Projects and assessments are piling up like an oversized doublecheese burger, with its different layers of patties, vegetables, and sauce. Using this as an example relates so well to me because a burger taste the best when it is finished. Ha-ha. In the process of 'eating' the burger, there will be spills here and there, messes all over. However, when the entire burger is consumed, the satisfaction sets in in an indescribable manner.

How can I ever forget You calling my name, brushing away those tears from my eyes?

I feel so different now.. Things have took an unexpected turn and all I can do now is to move on. I need no explaination nor answers to all that has happened, I need prayers.. So many things that I want to do, so many things I have left undone..

Jiayou!! I will not give up!! Like a cockroach escaping from the sole of a tattered slippers of a panicking woman, I will run and search for a way out. The white towel is deeply buried 10 foot underneath my deathbed. I will not give in!

I want to lie on a green pasture, out in the night sky and under the stars. I want to dream and live in those castles.. I need to be out, I'm in need of fresh air...

Looking to You, I need Your strength to help me live on.

I love walking along the pathways on a starry night, knowing that billions of stars are watching over me with every single step I take. I adores strolling in the rain, though getting wet is not my aim. Haha. I guess sometimes I just need a little special time to myself, and it sure is a great reward. :)

Went back to my Secondary School yesterday and there were changes among the teachers, students and the choice of colours for the building. Haha. Some of the teachers have left but majority of those who taught me are still there! Wee! I did not get to talk to all of them because I was too shy. They were having their department photos taken and having to face all the teachers in the school at once is intimidating. I managed to talk to my chinese teacher and my form teacher! Both of them commented on my appearance, one on my looks and the other on my hair colour. Nevertheless, I am just so happy that they still recognise me and remember my name!! Well, 2 years have passed and counting.. :D

A lot of changes took place, but the most significant one will be the people-people relations among my friends. 2 years is a long time and is more than sufficient for life changing events to occur. Some are sweet, some refreshing, while some are heart-aching. Sometimes I really hope that a hug will make up to the hurts they have gone through but it does not always turn out this way. I know. Here's a little message specially for you:

I believe in YOU! One day, you will walk out of this valley and see the light of a new beginning. ++>hugs and kisses<++

Putting aside all the "touchy-feely" stuff, here's a BIG BIG GREAT news!! I am blessed with a ticket to watch the Forbidden City!! This is really a dream come through. Haha! I am grateful, really. :)

Reorganised my laptop and doing all my plannings. Haha. One truth I learnt: the devil works with half truths. He won't trick you with things that are outrightly wrong because we will notice it right away. Half truths are facts mixed with lies. For example, in the Garden of Eden, when he told Eve that she will surely not die from consuming the fruit. He was not totally wrong because she did not die physically but spiritually. He coats lies with a speck of truth, no wonder he is called the deceiver. This is why I want to be serious about planning, I really want to be more specific in handling my time and finances.

Vague expectation is no expectation at all

HERE I COME ^-^

++>Singing<++

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

++>Claps<++

Happy birthday Von! Happy 1 day belated birthday Cindy! Haha. Joy is in the air~

I have been tired recently with dry eyes and darkened eye bags. My usage of concealer have increased tremendously! Wahaha. Well, sleeping at 4 a.m. daily disrupted my biological clock I guess. Haha. I really have to put order back into my life again!!

God has been really good to me! He did not give me an easy time with all the crying and struggles, but He is faithful! I am really thankful for the people around me!!

Elaine: Thanks for everything, I know it hasn't been easy on you. :) I love you, Ms. Elaine!

Martin: Yes, I will build it up once more with you okie? Haha.

Irvin: Thanks for your fashion tips!! Haha!

Jess: Haven't been able to thank you for that delicious BBQ!! Haha! Are you having another one? I want to go!

Richard: YOU! Haha. Thanks for the trouble, evenmore so since you are having your prelims. Merci beaucoup! Next time, I'll give you a treat of my very own chocolate bars!!!! Haha!

Ling: Hang on! I have something for you! Haha. Lets go for a drink this week! *hints* :P

So many nice people You have given to me! I feel so pampered.. Really. :) Apart from this list, there are still many I want to thank!! I shall thank you guys personally!! Weee~

+>I'm moving on, pray you'll move on too<++

Sunlight finds its way through the crevices of the tunnel and hope was restored to my buried vision. I brushed the sand dust off the surface of the box where it held my dreams and tugged at the lock which holds the key to restoring my vision. It needed a code to unlock and You whispered, "Love." The lock came off and I saw my dreams come alive and joy overflows! Then You whispered, "Humility."

I started to weep and I went on my knees.. "Sorry," was all I could say in my pain. You walked towards me and gave me a comforting hug to assure me of Your presence. Everything was beyond words..

I am back to the beginning. Merci beaucoup for letting me walk with You again!

JE T'AIME

copyrighted by pearly :)

Haha. I'm back!! Sorry, I just read all the tags so here's my replies.


Jess:
HAPPY for you gal! You still owe me a bowl of soup!! Haha.


Ger:
Hahaha! 3 cheers for your "never-give-up" spirit!


Liane:
Happy National Day!!! Here's your update. Haha.


Ada:
Yeah! The chocolate I ate is flushed down the sewage a long time ago!! Haha!


**End of entry ** >.<

I am fighting a battle not of my own. It is always when I'm that close to a breakthrough that the walls came crashing down. I'm picking up myself again and this time I'm not turning back.

"Come and hold my hands

Take me into Your warm embrace

No one else matters besides You

Through the valley I trust in You"

I know I am not perfect and I do have my weaknesses, yet YOU still love me. I need YOU.

I'm tagged. *laughs*

7 Random things about myself:

1. I am stubborn

2. I am starting to do budgeting and planning

3. Playing my guitar

4. They say I'm nice. Ha-ha

5. Training myself in the area of teaching

6. I'm grateful for HIM

7. "Ah!!" I'm screaming.

7 Things that scare me:

1. Cockroaches

2. Catepillars

3. Hyper doggies

4. Tiredness

5. Away from HIS presence

6. 24 hrs of idling

7. My handphone goes out of Battery

7 Random songs at the moment:

1. A Pure Heart - unsure

2. Hei Bai Pei - Fan Wei Qi

3. "Audictive" - Jacky, Min Kuan, Febrina

4. Ni De Jian Bang - Sun

5. Valley - Random

6. Heaven - Elaine

7. My Healer - CHC

7 Things I like the most:

1. HIM

2. Chocolates

3. Laughing

4. Children

5. Drawing

6. Walking in the rain

7. Play on the swing! (hardly can find swings in playgrounds nowadays)

7 Things I say the most:

1. Hahahahaha

2. LOL

3. "Children, today..."

4. Yes

5. Dope

6. *smile* without words

7. "Can de, you can do it."

7 people to do this:

Can I not choose? Ha-ha. :)

It's been a cool day, and met several cool people. Went through a short but cool lesson. Chatting with cool people. But something's missing.

"Treasure before it's lost, change before it's gone."

Many plans in hand:

1. Arrange and fix all my bible studies

2. Watch Pirates of the Carribean (out in 13 July)

3. Buy gift for Eric, meet him for a meal

4. Trip to Night Safari

5. Cut my hair at Kallang

6. Find a job

7. Meet up with Sharon for our lunch-date

8. Bake cookies

9. Meet up Jess for our Prata outing

10. Go swimming and tanning

11. Get back my pay

12. Organise my finances

13. Buy gift for a 21 year-old Biggie Man

14. Chill at Settlers Cafe

15. Summer Survival Camp

**Ha-ha. And my 5 treats!** I'm blessed!

Fought a fierce battle yesterday, one that I would never have expected. I am tired but my prayer stays strong. "Soften my heart, let me be pure for You." I made a choice to give up something I really want for something YOU brought me to. I cried and my heart tore at the price to pay. As I look at my life, my smile appeared in the midst of all the crying because I see Your goodness and I know You are real.

Finished my first assessment at my Centre and can you believe this? I got full marks for each component! Except one because I didn't take note of my child's behaviour while getting aprons for them, but I got 3 out of 4 for that component. Hooray! I am amazed and I think my Mentor was surprised at my performance. Ha-ha. I got back my assignment of a 1500 words essay on my Vision for Mathematics for Young Children. I got a B! That means I scored between 70-74 out of 100! Ha-ha. This is really a testimony because I was sick then and I completed the whole assignment in 3 hours the day before.

Time is always so impatient, ticking away so hurriedly. Re-planned my whole schedule, now I have to pace out my timing for all my projects and research. Hmmm.. I really need wisdom in this. Ha-ha. Ada say that I look like I'm too busy to have any relationship. :) Yeah, true. I am not very busy as compared to others, but busy enough to keep a REAL organizer now. I ain't thinking of one either, doubt I can cope commiting to another person. *faints* Ha-ha.

Lastly, PUIMAN! Here, I've typed your name in my blog too! Ha-ha. I have fulfilled my promise~ lalalala

I am really thankful for everything around me. Even if the battle gets tougher, I know I will hold on. A soldier goes to battle in an Army and I'm glad to be in a 'dopeing' and unique one. Everyone, fight!

Many things I really don't understand, but I will walk on with You

Happy birthday to all! LOL

I feel so blessed! (: Thanks, thanks, thanks. I trembled in YOUR presence and cried as I remember what You told me. I see the faces of many and my heart tears with their looks of hopelessness.

Keep focus! I like what Elaine said, "September is here!" Wee~ Ha-ha.

The last thing I want to see is someone else walking a third mile because I am afraid to walk mine. Breaking boundaries, stretching my faith!

In love with YOU!

Happy birthday Wei Ting!! Haha.

This few weeks was amazing. Met many people that added colours into my life in their own special way. Seen many diferent side of people that caused me to see more of HIM in them. I love them all!! Haha. *No elaboration needed I guess*

I want to be like a bulldog. Haha. Biting on without letting go. As things get tougher, I know I will breakdown but I choose to say "But." I choose to look to YOU.

-adjusting my priorities and getting back into my closet.

My walls are tored down and my heart is so filled with love.

Many changes took place and I admit, I was overwhelmed. My security was shaken as I know things are not going to be the same anymore. As a matter of fact, every passing second indicates a change. Today, I am humbled. Being brought down to the main purpose for my existence, my thoughts are triggered.

Like a man who unfolds the blindfold over his eyes, now I see. Although I don't see everything, what I see is enough to keep me fighting. Now I can sing,

"You are faithful and true, Glorious Lord.
All my life it is You I adore."

**Baking cookies SOON* Haha.

-I'm in love and in battle!! (:
fasting, yearning to be closer to You